Cure for lonely

 I think most of us have experienced a feeling of lonliness at some point in time. But do you ever think about the relation between being alone and feeling lonely? People tend to make the assumption that being alone=lonliness, which I don't believe at all. I look at it this way, being along is a physical state of being, ie you're alone in your room. Lonliness on the other hand is a an emotional state. So really these two things are completely different in nature and aren't really related. However we've somehow told ourselves the opposite is true.

 We fear being alone, and that fear is what brings loneliness into our lives. Most of us don't even know how to be alone, we feel like we need a certain amount of interaction with other people in order to stay sane. I always thought that was normal but it's really not. Don't you think it's bizarre that we look to connect with other people only to avoid connecting with ourselves? What is it about just being with ourselves that makes us so uncomfortable?Why does a physical state of being alone cause us such fear that it brings about an emotional state of loneliness and how do we change that?

I think the only way to get over loneliness is to be alone. Now I know it may not make sense at first but just hear me out. The reason there's so much fear surronding the thought of being alone is because in most cases it's unfamiliar to us. Many of us haven't ever really been alone before, because everytime we are we reach out for someone or something to distract us from ourselves. We need to become comfortable with being alone with ourselves, it's the only way we can get connected to what's really going on with us beneath the surface. Once you embrace the thought of enjoying your own company the issue of lonliness has a way of disappearing.

I like to think of lonliness as a reminder to connect with myself. Any time I've felt lonely it wasn't really because I was out of touch with other people it was because I was out of touch with myself. So next time you feel lonely try to dig deep and get to root of that feeling. Is the lonliness there because you don't have anyone to distract you from what's going on inside of you? If so, I suggest tapping into that feeling, let it guide you back to connecting with who you are and what you need...no distractions.

Fearful Stress, Stressful Fear

Can't eat, can't sleep, can't seem to focus.You know what that means don't you?... Nope I'm not smitten like a kitten, I'm stressed out of my mind! Stress can be a productive thing sometimes but in my case it was just driving me straight to crazytown, and I needed to catch a cab back to reality asap!

I don't know about you but I have a physical reaction to stress. It's a heavy feeling in my chest that almost makes it hard to breathe. It physically feels like there is something in my chest I just wanna rip out. My stress gets that intense and that awful. But this time while in my state of stress induced neurosis I had a brief moment of clarity and finally understood that feeling. It ocurred to me that intense feeling of discomfort we get when stressed is nothing more than fear growing and spreading roots in our hearts.


Fear is a tricky little thing, because it's rarely obvious. It likes to hide behind anger, stress, love and what we like to call cautiousness. And I've gotta hand it to fear because it's subtle yet paralyzing approach is almost fool proof, and pretty genius. I mean if fear were a character in a movie it'd be the stealthy mastermind that spent his whole life studying books like Sun Tzu's Art of War. That's just how serious fear is. And yes it can suck big time, but honestly fear wants to be your friend. Even though its methods are clearly flawed, fear is really just trying to protect you from the things you've made yourself believe you aren't strong enough to handle. But remember how I said fears tactics are ALMOST fool proof? That almost is important, it means there's hope for us yet.

Now I can go on and on about how to do something productive with your fear but I'm not going to. You  already know the possibilities are endless; you can do a shit load of positive things if you learn to channel your fear. Furthermore, you and I both know that the chances of you WANTING to do anything at all while in a state of panic are slim to none. So lets just be honest with ourselves for a second and agree that the only way to get out of crazytown is to hop in a car with your fear. Now let me be clear I'm not saying face it head on get aggressive and bring out your inner action hero to kick ass. Bullying your fear is not the answer, it'll just come back stronger. Instead take baby steps, start spending a little time with your fears, have a few deep conversations with it, really get to know your fear. Getting in touch with what your fears are all about and why they're there is the only way stop it's paralyzing side effects. So share a cab with your fear, meet up for coffee, or hell go to the gym with it but really get to know it. Take baby steps, lots of deep breaths and remind yourself you're strong enough to do this!