what are you afraid to express? what ingredient are you leaving out?

What are you afraid to express? We've all had something we're afraid to express or embrace. Sometimes it's because we're scared to be judged by others but most of the time we're just scared of ourselves. There are bits and pieces of ourselves that we like to hide away for no one to see, not even us. We know they're still there but refuse to let them out...I've always felt like a caged bird, but it wasnt until recently that I realized I was the one caging myself in. I longed for freedom and thought that came with changing my external circumstances but just like with everything else it all starts from within.

I believe we fear ourselves much more than we fear anything or anyone else. Fear what we feel and believe and sometimes even fear those things we know deep down we need desperately. I feared my freedom. Now let me explain, all of my life I've been responsible, dependable, logical, for the most part I am queen of keeping it together. I don't usually take risks, and in the rare instances that I do they're VERY carefully calculated and odds are I have nothing to lose. But despite how logical practical and put together I am there's always a part of me that wants the freedom to be completely reckless.

I would look at people who were crazy impulsive and took risks and WISH I could let myself go enough to do those things, to be that free. But I never trusted myself, that's what it all comes down to. I thought that if I let that crazy impulsive fearless side of me out of it's cage all hell would break loose. In all serioiusness I was scared of the damage I could do to myself, of the bad things that could happen. And how insane is that??!! do you know how bizarre it is to limit yourself and basically cage yourself in emotionally because you don't have the courage to trust your own inner wisdom. I mean I really don't know what dangers I thought I was protecting the world from by denying myself a sense of freedom, and to be completely honest it hadn't REALLY hit me how ridiculous I was being till I started writting this.

When we lock away all those pieces of ourselves that we view as a threat or see as potentially dangerous ( whether it's our emotions, impulsiveness, sensuality, etc) we deny ourselves the freedom to be ourselves. Even the things you're afraid to express are a part of you. Leaving them out of the equation doesn't make you a better person it makes you incomplete, and a tad bit repressed.

Have you ever cooked something and left out an ingrediant only to find yourself disappointed with the end result? You know that feeling you get when you first bite into something that looks amazing but instantly tastes like it's missing something. You may not know what's missing but you instinctively know there's something that could make it way better...Ok now think of a time where you tasted something perfect, nothing was missing, every flavor blended and complimented each other in such a way that your first bite was nearly orgasmic, remember that? Well that's kind of what we're like. Think of yourself as a full course meal in progress. Any time you deny a part of yourself you're leaving out an ingredient that makes you that much more amazingly delicious.

Learn to embrace all the pieces of you and above all trust yourself! Trust that inner guide and inner wisdom that knows how to bring you balance and mixes all the parts of you to perfection in order to create the most yummy version of you possible!

I Surrender

"I surrender". There's something really powerful about those two words. I used to see surrender as giving up but it's not, it's giving in. But its giving in,  in a beautiful way, in a way that gives you a special kind of freedom you didn't know you needed. Letting the genle current of the universe carry you where it may because you know wherever it takes you will be beautiful. Takes a great deal of trust to surrender. Trust in yourself, in the greater good, trust that there are certain things we are destined to live and learn.

I always saw myself as swimming up stream, and try as I might i never really got where I was going. It was hard, exhausting, and frustrating but how else would I get what I wanted? Surrendering anything was far from my mind, I definately had a control issue. Still somehow little by little I started relinquishing control, realized I needed more and wanted more from life than just struggle. So I began letting go of my "wants" because honestly for most of my life I was never 100% sure that I really wanted what I said I wanted. I'd make up my mind to want something and would struggle and fight to get it but deep down I always doubted if it was right. And looking back It almost makes no sense to fight so hard for something you're unsure of.

Surrender offers a freedom and release from all your expectations. It allows things to start to flow naturally and fall into place in the best possible way. You see surrending is an art form. One I admit can be quite challenging to master. But I think we make it far more difficult than it has to be. We fear it like it's going to take something precious away from us. We think that when we decide to surrender and release a certain feeling, person or situation it means we have to forget it ever existed, but thats not how it works. Once you surrender, you still remember, and still feel. And that's fine, that's beautiful because it's what we're meant to do, feel (trust me, you'll look back on it and be glad you didn't go numb).

I know first hand it can be hard to let go of things when you're so emotionally invested in them but I think the key is to work with your emotions, not neglect them. In my experience surrendering is always challenging but the level of bravery needed to take the step towards surrender increases when what you have to release is a person. And it's even harder to do it when the emotions you're feeling are anger and love. Now if its anger than keeps you linked to that person the awesome news is this to me is the easiest of the two! In this case it's all about loving yourself and seeing how holding on to that anger affects you negatively. Anger and grudges can consume you and start to eat you up from the inside. Remember every second spent in anger is a potential second of happiness wasted

... Now if it's love that keeps you holding on I just wanna take a moment to send you a ton of love and give you a virtual hug ♥♥HUG♥♥

And I wanna just tell you that you are incredibly blessed, because you know love, and odds are you are absolutely amazing at loving others because you care so truly and deeply, and that is nothing short of a miracle, it's a gift.
Now with that being said, take a deep breath and make a conscious decision to let go of whoever it is you feel you need to release. Realize there are many ways to love. And sometimes letting go is the best and biggest act of love.
 So this week I'm making it all about surrender. I surrender my fears to the universe because I don't need or want them anymore. Surrender my dreams to the universe so they can come true, and surrender the person I love to universe because I don't know what's best for him, all I know is I want him to be happy. Today I stop swimming up stream, I'll surrender everything, out of love for myself and love for others. What do you have to surrender?