Being Angry

There's been so much going on and so much on my mind in the past few weeks that I don't even know where to start with this blog. It feels like I haven't written in forever, but I have an insane amount of things to say.  I mean I seriously started like 7 posts (that I fully intend on completing and sharing asap) but just couldn't commit to finishing them at the time. I guess I just couldn't bring  myself to write anything because I've been too angry.. And obviously if I'm gonna share something with you all I want it to have a silver lining and be uplifting in one way or another. I wasn't just going to share bad vibes with you, but at the same time I wasn't ready to let go of my rage just yet.

So this leads me to todays post about anger. I know everyone always has advice on what you should do with your anger and if you're anything like me that probly gets on your last nerve.  My least favorite thing to hear is "just release it". Well today I say FUCK THAT! There is no just realeasing when you're fuming inside! Honestly when I'm furious I can't release anything because I don't want to! Sometimes it feels good to just let it sit with you. Sometimes trying to let go of your emotions too soon just makes you feel worse because you haven't allowed yourself the freedom to feel anything.

Most of us have this bad habit of shewing away any emotions we see as "dark". But the truth is emotions are just emotions. We shouldn't label them as good or bad. In order to be true to yourself you have to honor all of feelings, otherwise it's just another form of repression. I say feel your anger and stop trying to shove it out of the way. Try to allow yourself some time to completely feel your anger without doing anything else, without trying to hide or fix it. Take a day, an hour, however long you need, to take it all in. The key to this though, is not acting on it, all you have to do is give yourself permission to feel. Hang out with your anger until it stops feeling good, you'll know instinctively when it's time for you to release it...when it starts feeling heavy and holding on to anger feels like a burden, that's when it's time to let go.

So ask yourself have you been trying to shove your anger away, labeled it as a "bad" emotion?
have you been trying to force yourself to let go of your emotions before you're ready..befor you've allowed yourself to feel them?

I Surrender

"I surrender". There's something really powerful about those two words. I used to see surrender as giving up but it's not, it's giving in. But its giving in,  in a beautiful way, in a way that gives you a special kind of freedom you didn't know you needed. Letting the genle current of the universe carry you where it may because you know wherever it takes you will be beautiful. Takes a great deal of trust to surrender. Trust in yourself, in the greater good, trust that there are certain things we are destined to live and learn.

I always saw myself as swimming up stream, and try as I might i never really got where I was going. It was hard, exhausting, and frustrating but how else would I get what I wanted? Surrendering anything was far from my mind, I definately had a control issue. Still somehow little by little I started relinquishing control, realized I needed more and wanted more from life than just struggle. So I began letting go of my "wants" because honestly for most of my life I was never 100% sure that I really wanted what I said I wanted. I'd make up my mind to want something and would struggle and fight to get it but deep down I always doubted if it was right. And looking back It almost makes no sense to fight so hard for something you're unsure of.

Surrender offers a freedom and release from all your expectations. It allows things to start to flow naturally and fall into place in the best possible way. You see surrending is an art form. One I admit can be quite challenging to master. But I think we make it far more difficult than it has to be. We fear it like it's going to take something precious away from us. We think that when we decide to surrender and release a certain feeling, person or situation it means we have to forget it ever existed, but thats not how it works. Once you surrender, you still remember, and still feel. And that's fine, that's beautiful because it's what we're meant to do, feel (trust me, you'll look back on it and be glad you didn't go numb).

I know first hand it can be hard to let go of things when you're so emotionally invested in them but I think the key is to work with your emotions, not neglect them. In my experience surrendering is always challenging but the level of bravery needed to take the step towards surrender increases when what you have to release is a person. And it's even harder to do it when the emotions you're feeling are anger and love. Now if its anger than keeps you linked to that person the awesome news is this to me is the easiest of the two! In this case it's all about loving yourself and seeing how holding on to that anger affects you negatively. Anger and grudges can consume you and start to eat you up from the inside. Remember every second spent in anger is a potential second of happiness wasted

... Now if it's love that keeps you holding on I just wanna take a moment to send you a ton of love and give you a virtual hug ♥♥HUG♥♥

And I wanna just tell you that you are incredibly blessed, because you know love, and odds are you are absolutely amazing at loving others because you care so truly and deeply, and that is nothing short of a miracle, it's a gift.
Now with that being said, take a deep breath and make a conscious decision to let go of whoever it is you feel you need to release. Realize there are many ways to love. And sometimes letting go is the best and biggest act of love.
 So this week I'm making it all about surrender. I surrender my fears to the universe because I don't need or want them anymore. Surrender my dreams to the universe so they can come true, and surrender the person I love to universe because I don't know what's best for him, all I know is I want him to be happy. Today I stop swimming up stream, I'll surrender everything, out of love for myself and love for others. What do you have to surrender?