Cure for lonely

 I think most of us have experienced a feeling of lonliness at some point in time. But do you ever think about the relation between being alone and feeling lonely? People tend to make the assumption that being alone=lonliness, which I don't believe at all. I look at it this way, being along is a physical state of being, ie you're alone in your room. Lonliness on the other hand is a an emotional state. So really these two things are completely different in nature and aren't really related. However we've somehow told ourselves the opposite is true.

 We fear being alone, and that fear is what brings loneliness into our lives. Most of us don't even know how to be alone, we feel like we need a certain amount of interaction with other people in order to stay sane. I always thought that was normal but it's really not. Don't you think it's bizarre that we look to connect with other people only to avoid connecting with ourselves? What is it about just being with ourselves that makes us so uncomfortable?Why does a physical state of being alone cause us such fear that it brings about an emotional state of loneliness and how do we change that?

I think the only way to get over loneliness is to be alone. Now I know it may not make sense at first but just hear me out. The reason there's so much fear surronding the thought of being alone is because in most cases it's unfamiliar to us. Many of us haven't ever really been alone before, because everytime we are we reach out for someone or something to distract us from ourselves. We need to become comfortable with being alone with ourselves, it's the only way we can get connected to what's really going on with us beneath the surface. Once you embrace the thought of enjoying your own company the issue of lonliness has a way of disappearing.

I like to think of lonliness as a reminder to connect with myself. Any time I've felt lonely it wasn't really because I was out of touch with other people it was because I was out of touch with myself. So next time you feel lonely try to dig deep and get to root of that feeling. Is the lonliness there because you don't have anyone to distract you from what's going on inside of you? If so, I suggest tapping into that feeling, let it guide you back to connecting with who you are and what you need...no distractions.

thought/action dynamic

This past wk I feel like I've been lost in my own thoughts, and it has been the most unproductive couple of days I've ever had. Now while I love and encourage being in touch with your thoughts the truth is sometimes we just get too comfortable and use it as a crutch. How many times have you kept yourself from taking action by telling yourself you have to think about it first? Now there are times where thinking things through is advisable but other times it only holds you back.

 It's incredibly easy to live life stuck inside your own head. Sadly we too often delay our own growth by doing this. We get so comfortable just thinking about things that we forget to act. I bet if I asked you to think about what it is you really want you could easily come up with at least 3 things right now and feel good about it. However if I asked you what steps you can take to make those things happen in your life odds are you would feel differently. I've noticed in my own life that even when I truly want something it takes a lot for me to make that shift from just thinking about it to actually taking actionable steps to make it happen. And it's not because I don't want those things, mostly it's because I've become so comfortable in my own thoughts that taking action makes me uncomfortable. Some people call that sort of thing a lack of motivation but I believe it goes much deeper than that. I think we find it challenging to grow and make things happen because at some point in our lives we've all experienced an unbelievable sense of safety and familiarity thats kind of paralyzing. We find comfort in thinking, and theorizing because it's safe, it's hypothetical. Action on the other hand, can be really uncomfortable, it's uncertain, and just downright scary at times. And I don't think giving yourself a temporary boost of motivation, can fix or change that sort of thought/action dynamic most of us experience. In my opinion motivation is fleeting, it's sort of like an energy drink, good for a quick boost but eventually it wears off.  I believe the only way to grow, to succeed, and get everything you want is to stop searching for comfort. You're not meant to live in your comfort zone, a life perpetually lived in a comfort zone is a life wasted. 

I truly believe that we have to train ourselves to get out of our heads and run towards taking action no matter how uncomfortable and unfamiliar the concept may seem. Otherwise we start living an unremarkable mediocre life that doesn't really fulfill us. And there's no reason why you should ever lead that kind of life when the very essence of who you are is amazing. I read once that scientists calculated the odds of you being born is one in four hundred trillion, if that isn't a miracle I don't know what is. It makes no sense to be a miracle and not do miraculous things! So whatever it is you want, whether it's a job, or romantic partner, I urge you to stop thinking about it! Get out of that dreadful quicksand like comfort zone you're in and embrace the idea of discomfort and taking action.  In order to ever live as anything other than mediocre you need to stop living in your head and start living in your actions.

Misunderstood

Once upon a time there was nothing more frustrating to me than being misunderstood. There was just something about feeling misunderstood that would get to my very core and hurt my heart. Now I know we like to think that whole "no one gets me" phase is only popular among highschool students but truth is a lot of us carry it with us well into adulthood. I don't think it's a feeling you can just outgrow.
I firmly believe everyone has felt misunderstood at some point in time, and will agree that normally it sucks.Whether you're being misunderstood in a relationship or in your career the feeling is usually unpleasant. It can be scary to think about expressing yours wants, hopes, and dreams, only to have people not understand what you're saying or where you're coming from. It's a fear some of us don't even fully realize we have, all we know is we don't like it and would rather avoid it. But you know what? I say, run towards that feeling and give it a hug because it doesn't matter if people don't get you or your ideas or your vision as long as you know and understand yourself.

As much as we'd all like to be completely understood by others, it's highly unlikely that things will work out that way 24/7. The reason being that you are YOU! There's no one else like you on the planet, and dare I say the universe! No one is going to understand you 100% percent of the time because you're unique and brilliant and possibly a visionary. Instead of seeing being misunderstood as a negative we should learn to see it as a compliment. The greatest minds in history were always terribly misunderstood, so I consider myself to be in excellent company when people just don't get me.

Furthermore I feel like embracing those moments when you feel misunderstood can be really liberating! In those moments you learn to seek self approval rather than seeking validation from outside sources. Because it honestly doesn't matter if a ton of other people understand your vision or believe in your dreams, all it takes is you. As long as you believe and you stand by your truth you're destined for greatness. So stop looking to be understood all the time. Mix it up and enjoy being misunderstood from time to time. See being misunderstood as a reminder of your greatness and remember that people don't need to understand greatness in order to recognize it.

Being Angry

There's been so much going on and so much on my mind in the past few weeks that I don't even know where to start with this blog. It feels like I haven't written in forever, but I have an insane amount of things to say.  I mean I seriously started like 7 posts (that I fully intend on completing and sharing asap) but just couldn't commit to finishing them at the time. I guess I just couldn't bring  myself to write anything because I've been too angry.. And obviously if I'm gonna share something with you all I want it to have a silver lining and be uplifting in one way or another. I wasn't just going to share bad vibes with you, but at the same time I wasn't ready to let go of my rage just yet.

So this leads me to todays post about anger. I know everyone always has advice on what you should do with your anger and if you're anything like me that probly gets on your last nerve.  My least favorite thing to hear is "just release it". Well today I say FUCK THAT! There is no just realeasing when you're fuming inside! Honestly when I'm furious I can't release anything because I don't want to! Sometimes it feels good to just let it sit with you. Sometimes trying to let go of your emotions too soon just makes you feel worse because you haven't allowed yourself the freedom to feel anything.

Most of us have this bad habit of shewing away any emotions we see as "dark". But the truth is emotions are just emotions. We shouldn't label them as good or bad. In order to be true to yourself you have to honor all of feelings, otherwise it's just another form of repression. I say feel your anger and stop trying to shove it out of the way. Try to allow yourself some time to completely feel your anger without doing anything else, without trying to hide or fix it. Take a day, an hour, however long you need, to take it all in. The key to this though, is not acting on it, all you have to do is give yourself permission to feel. Hang out with your anger until it stops feeling good, you'll know instinctively when it's time for you to release it...when it starts feeling heavy and holding on to anger feels like a burden, that's when it's time to let go.

So ask yourself have you been trying to shove your anger away, labeled it as a "bad" emotion?
have you been trying to force yourself to let go of your emotions before you're ready..befor you've allowed yourself to feel them?

Fearful Stress, Stressful Fear

Can't eat, can't sleep, can't seem to focus.You know what that means don't you?... Nope I'm not smitten like a kitten, I'm stressed out of my mind! Stress can be a productive thing sometimes but in my case it was just driving me straight to crazytown, and I needed to catch a cab back to reality asap!

I don't know about you but I have a physical reaction to stress. It's a heavy feeling in my chest that almost makes it hard to breathe. It physically feels like there is something in my chest I just wanna rip out. My stress gets that intense and that awful. But this time while in my state of stress induced neurosis I had a brief moment of clarity and finally understood that feeling. It ocurred to me that intense feeling of discomfort we get when stressed is nothing more than fear growing and spreading roots in our hearts.


Fear is a tricky little thing, because it's rarely obvious. It likes to hide behind anger, stress, love and what we like to call cautiousness. And I've gotta hand it to fear because it's subtle yet paralyzing approach is almost fool proof, and pretty genius. I mean if fear were a character in a movie it'd be the stealthy mastermind that spent his whole life studying books like Sun Tzu's Art of War. That's just how serious fear is. And yes it can suck big time, but honestly fear wants to be your friend. Even though its methods are clearly flawed, fear is really just trying to protect you from the things you've made yourself believe you aren't strong enough to handle. But remember how I said fears tactics are ALMOST fool proof? That almost is important, it means there's hope for us yet.

Now I can go on and on about how to do something productive with your fear but I'm not going to. You  already know the possibilities are endless; you can do a shit load of positive things if you learn to channel your fear. Furthermore, you and I both know that the chances of you WANTING to do anything at all while in a state of panic are slim to none. So lets just be honest with ourselves for a second and agree that the only way to get out of crazytown is to hop in a car with your fear. Now let me be clear I'm not saying face it head on get aggressive and bring out your inner action hero to kick ass. Bullying your fear is not the answer, it'll just come back stronger. Instead take baby steps, start spending a little time with your fears, have a few deep conversations with it, really get to know your fear. Getting in touch with what your fears are all about and why they're there is the only way stop it's paralyzing side effects. So share a cab with your fear, meet up for coffee, or hell go to the gym with it but really get to know it. Take baby steps, lots of deep breaths and remind yourself you're strong enough to do this!