Valentines day Bravery

So I got to thinking last night about all the misconceptions surronding valentines day. Some people feel it's a greeting card holiday, and is essentially meaningless. Others celebrate with chocolate, which i do love and appreciate but a part of me just felt like there was definately more to it. I also quite like the idea of  celebrating it as a love holiday, it makes sense, but still I felt as though there was missing piece of the puzzle.

Now I know the history of valentines day and have known it for quite a while but for some reason all I ever got out of it was"love". Maybe that's because I was too young to get the true meaning when I first heard the story, or maybe because when you're a kid all you really need is love, so there was no need to find an additional lesson in that story. But these days love isn't always enough. The more you grow up the more you realize that love often needs a companion..popular choices are often trust, and communication, but for Valentines day I think bravery is much more appropriate.



In case you're unfamiliar with the origins of valentines day, I'll give you a quick rundown.
Saint Valentine was somewhat of a defiant roman priest that lived during the 3rd century AD under emperor Claudius the 2nd. Claudius ended up banning marriage because he thought it would distract his soldiers from fighting the war. However, Rebel fatherValaentine was not buying into any of Claudius' foolishness so he continued to secretly marry young couples. Now if that isn't brave I don't know what is! I mean to do something you truly believe in even when you know you run the risk of being executed if you're found out, that takes A)an amazing amount of conviction and B) a steel set of balls.



So yes Valentines day is undoubtedly about love but it's also about bravery and conviction, and being true to yourself no matter the risk. Those are lessons we often overlook, but they're clearly the biggest part of the story.

Now with that being said take a moment to really let that sink in and think about your own truth, your own convictions, and be inspired to have the bravery to live them.
Today make it a point to not only celebrate love, but celebrate the bravery it takes for your heart to accept and give love openly, willingly, and without conditions.. because that in itself makes you absolutely amazing and akin to a warrior.

So I encourage you to go out take a risk, do something brave, say something loving, and feel like the awesome badass that you are.♥

Sometimes the Only Lesson is Acceptance

I'm one of those people who strongly believes everything happens for a reason. I do my best to look at every situation like a lesson waiting to be learned. Maybe I see things that way because I have naturally nerdy tendencies or because it truly is the best coping technique i've ever come across. Either way, my go to solution for things is always to find the lesson.

I feel like life is one big classroom. You can learn from everything and anything. From nature I learn to allow things to develop naturally without force. For example, water teaches me to change and adapt to circumstances while still allowing things to just flow. From people I learn so much I'm not even quite sure where I should start. Family has taught me to view things from a different perspective, friends have taught me how to stay grounded. And romantic relationships..well I think we learn the most from those.

What I really love about romantic relationships is the amount of vulnerability in them. That vulnerability is what really gives you insight into yourself. We tend to think that while in a relationship we learn more about or partners than ourselves, but usually the opposite is true. I've never learned more about who I am and what makes me tick than when I'm in a relationship with someone else. Of course for me all that learning came after it was over. At the time I was in the relationship I  didn't actually see any of those insightful moments, or lessons I could learn. Instead I focused on what I thought the other person should've been learning....I thought "he should learn to be more open, more thoughtful, more considerate..why doesn't he just learn!" I was so focused on his part in the relationship I never stopped to think about the lesson I should have been learning.


 It's funny because it used to be any time I looked back on that relationship I was plagued with 'what ifs' and thoughts of things I should have done differently. I would remember all the anger and unnecessary tears. I resented that relationship on some level because I couldn't understand why it didn't turn out the way I'd imagined.

It wasn't until I started really working on getting past my emotional road blocks that I was able to see that relationship in a different light. This time I saw it as an assignment, and I studied the sh*t out of it! As someone completely in love with the idea of self actualization and becoming the best me I could possibly be, I became obsessed with finding life lessons in all my past "failures". So I analyzed that relationship right down to the bone and tried to squeeze out as many lessons as humanly possible. And it worked in a way.. I learned a ton of things about myself and how I relate to others. But the one thing that hadn't changed despite all my learning was that feeling of wanting to go back and do it all over again.

However, today things were different. For the first time I was able to look back on that that relationship with love. I started listening to a cd that was basically the soundtrack to my life during that time andsurprisingly there were no tears. As I listened to the songs that narrated my past I found myself smiling. I had no regrets regarding that time in my life or how much I'd invested in the relationship. Not a single "what if" thought came to mind this time. The most beautiful part is there was no denile. I didn't try to down play how significant that relationship was for me..didn't talk myself into thinking I didn't really love him..didn't try to force one more lesson out of it. And it felt amazing!

All I felt was a sense of peace and acceptance, and you know what...I was happy and grateful for everything. I was glad that I can remember feeling so strongly about someone and not feel badly about it. There were no regrets, there was only an open heart filled with gratitude and fond memories.

At that moment I realized I'd finally learned the lesson that relationship was meant to teach me...Acceptance. Sometimes we try squeeze 20 lessons out of a situation when the only lesson there is..is acceptance. In the end that's the only thing that ever really gives us peace regarding past relationships, being able to just accept what was and what is, without forcing anything else out of it. Because the truth is you can't force closure.

Funny how it can take years to truly appreciate a "failed" relationship for everything it was..the good, the unpleasant, & the lessons learned. Now I finally accept it all...it took me a while but I finally got it. Today I actually look back at that relationship with real love and gratitude. I mean, yes by most peoples standards it was a failed attempt at a relationship, but thats ok. Whether it can be considered a failure or a success I love it all the same. And more importantly, I accept it.

So think about the relationships or situations in your life where you feel you need closure, are you trying to force something out of it? If so, top trying to squeeze the lessons out of these situations..stop trying to speed up the closure process, and just accept it. Sometimes that's honestly the only lesson we have to learn.

Attachment Sucks!

I have an amazing amount of empathy, it's part of what makes me kinder, and gentler at times but also kind of haunts me. Not quite sure when i developed this, but it's a part of me now and i don't see it going away any time soon, nor do I want it to. The only downside is feeling stressed and worried, and hurt for someone else, even if you're not involved in the situation.

I think a lot of people get really good at turning off their emotions or maybe they've just mastered the art of detachment. Whatever the case may be, I've noticed not all of us have this issue with empathy. However, for those of us that do, it's definately a struggle. It's like there's an automatic energy exchange between you and someone else and suddenly you're the one feeling burdened even when you don't personally have a reason to.

I didn't even notice this was that big of deal until I started seeing a couple I cared about go through a divorce. I know there was nothing for me to do, and it was not my place to try to fix anything. I'd come to terms with the fact that everyone is going through their own process and sometimes there are difficult situations we choose to bring into our lives because they're necessary for our growth. I knew all of this but still I wanted to fix it. Not the marriage, but the hurt, and sadness, the anger, and resentment. It was then I realized just how much I felt all of their emotions, and how badly I wanted to stop. I wanted to fix things because I was at a point where I couldn't take it anymore, I was hurting right along with them and I felt awful.

Clearly I was too attached, to the people, to the situation, to everything. For several weeks I felt like I was being guided toward a single lesson...releasing attachments. And I understood that lesson on a superficial level before but now I really get it. I've peeled back the layers of that lessons and gotten down to the very core of it. Suffering comes from attachment. Now I know this probably sounds pretty rational and you think you understand that statement enough but odds are you don't. You can't possibly understand how deep that statement is until you've managed to disect it and proceeded to see and feel how it's relevant to every aspect of your life.

So today I challenge you to think about that statement "Suffereing come from attachment".
Think about what that really means for you in your life.
What are you attached to? how has it caused you some level of suffering?

Family Stress

I don't know about you guys but for the longest time my family was the biggest issue in my life. Now don't get me wrong, I love them dearly but...*sighs*...they just have a way of complicating things. I've grown enough to know that there's always a lesson to be learned in every situation but to be honest when it concerns family my first thought isn't always "hmmm, what can I learn?". My first thought is normally something along the lines of "F*ck, here we go again, let the stress begin".

I know everyone says that the way you think about a situation ultimately shapes the experience you have, and I completely agree. However, I also know that it can be really challenging at times to deal with the clusterf*ck of emotions that family brings out in us, and see things in a positive light. To be quite honest I spent a lot of my life blaming my family for most of my emotional issues. I was caught in a loop of "shoulds". They should've taught me certain things, should've been better role models, should've learned to deal with their own emotional issues so they didn't project that on to me, should've been more aware of the impact their words and actions have on the people around them...

These days when I go back and look at some of those emotional issues I've dealt with and try to get down to the root cause or remember the first time I felt a certain way, it does usually go back to family. And I certainly don't take back any of the thoughts I had about them in the past because I believe that was my truth at that point in time. But what I do take back is the resentment and the feeling of helplessness that I allowed myself to feel regarding my family. Blaming them really wasn't doing me any good, it only helped build up anger and resentment. Blaming them only made me less powerful, less in control of my own life and more unhappy.

It really all comes down to a feeling of helplessness. When you blame someone for your emotional reactions you willingly step into that victim role and become helpless. And helplessness is just not my cup of tea. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am truly a fierce creative and powerful woman, and allowing myself to feel anything less than that does not serve me or others.

So think about who you've been handing your power over to, is it family, a boss, a partner???
Well let me give you a word of advice...TAKE IT BACK!
from now on just own your emotions, don't hand that power over to anyone else. You're much too powerful to ever play that victim role believably. ♥