single for the holidays

I know around the holiday season it can get especially hard to deal with relationship issues whether it's friends, family or romantic. It's crazy but even when being surrounded by a ton of people around the holidays we tend to feel lonelier than ever before. That loneliness is brought about by all the comparing we do...We start comparing ourselves to all those people who are in relationships (real or otherwise). Other times we get hit with nostalgia like a ton of bricks and start comparing our last relationship to our current state of singleness. Or maybe you just compare this entire holiday season to one from your past and start counting all the ways things are different this yr. Whatever it is you're comparing, the point is you're comparing! And we really shouldn't compare our past to our present. This holiday season is different, just accept it. But just because it's different doesn't mean it has to be bad . Different can be amazing and beautiful.


I speak from experience when I say that it can be hard not being in a relationship this time of year. Just yesterday I got hit with the dreaded sense of nostalgia; started thinking about a past relationship and felt myself getting so bummed out I was practically channeling the depressed donkey from winnie tthe pooh . And wanna know what I did? Stopped watching the sad romantic drama mess on my tv! It wasn't till that moment I realized just how much that kind of stuff can affect us. We get bombarded with all these images of happy couples and families and start to feel like there's something wrong with not having that right now, like there's something wrong with us. We buy into this idea that the holidays are somehow less special if you're alone. But the truth is all the happy couples in commercials, and movies are FAKE! Somehow we overlook the fact that these images that are being fed to us are fiction. Now I'm all about happy couples, I love to see them, but more often than not when you look around at couples today they're nothing like the ones in the movies. Some of the real couples aren't even happy because the only thing keeping them in the relationship is a fear of loneliness. And settlling out of fear is most definately not how I want to spend my holiday season.


Theres a lot about this time of year that can make us buy into the illusion that we're lonely. And For the record being alone does not mean you're lonley. But I get it, we all want to share our lives and love with people who will love us back with just as much intensity as we do them. That's the key to all of this though, is realizing that what you want isn't just someone to kiss under the mistletoe or on new years. What you want is way better, because you deserve way better. Now is not the time to settle for less than you deserve, that would be the worst gift you could everrr give yourself. So this holiday season forget your ex, forget about how your friends are all coupled up, forget about anything and anyone that brings you down because this is meant to be a time of celebration! The holidays are meant to be a celebration of Love and you my darling ARE LOVE. So get out of your funk and celebrate you and all your awesomeness! you deserve it!

stop being so competetive!

"Stop being so competetive!" I tell myself this pretty consistantly. I find it so easy to get into a competetive mode where i'm comparing myself to others trying to size up who's smarter, more successful, more likeable, etc . Maybe it's because we live in a really competetive world or the fact I had low self esteem but I gotta say I loved competition. Mostly because I didn't feel I ever really lost (the fact that most of these competitions took place in my head probably had a lot to do with that).  I think around the holidays there's an especially strong spirit of competition and comparision going around when what we should be feeling is a strong sense of love and oneness.

Sometimes I feel the holidays are like the olympics for all the competitions we hold in our heads.
 If you're a woman going to holiday parties you're often competing (in your head) with every other woman there (your outfit just HAS to be beyond fabulous because the thought of someone looking better than you throws you into a frenzy). We run around department stores like chickens with our heads cut off trying to find the perfect gift before someone else grabs it, or spend hours brainstorming for a gift that will outshine everyone elses. We're always competing to stand out, but overlook the fact that you can't possibly stand out when you're doing the exact same thing everyone else is doing!

There is so much craziness we encourage during this time of year, and it's all because we get into this competetive mind set. We even end up rubbing off on kids because once christmas break is over they head back to school in that same competetive mindset. I remember going back to school after christmas and all the kids would talk about is who got the best gifts. They'd brag about how they got more presents than a fellow classmate. And all of this was normal for us! Even though we all knew deep down the holiday season meant more we never really acted that way because we were too caught up competeing with each other. I think that's the saddest part is even now as an adult I still see too many people caught up in that same mindset, too concerned with having the best "toys" or gifts . People often put so much emphasis on gifts and competiton during the holidays that they forget the biggest and best gift you can ever give and recieve is LOVE, and nothing can ever compete with that.

So just think about you holiday season so far...have you gotten caught up in a competetive mind set instead of focusing on love?