Thank you heartache

 I would love nothing more than for this to have only positive amazing entries but we all have off days every now and then. So this entry maybe isn't as positive as I'd like but it's honest.
I've been thinking a lot about relationships in my life lately, and while they've been my greatest teachers let me just say they are kicing my ass this week.
The hardest relationships are the ones you walk away from. I walked away from one, for my own good, because I decided to love me more. I wanted more than I ever thought I could ever get from him, and he wanted something I wouldn't give him. I think he wanted to save me, be the hero, have me need him but I didn't need a hero and I didn't want a savior. All I wanted was for someone to run with me. I don't want to ever be someone's missing puzzle piece, I want us each to be complete. So I walked away, and it was for the best but it doesn't make it any easier. Watching him move on it kind of hurts, mostly because it happened so fast. It took me years to walk away and I'm still struggling. I still miss him, I'll always care for him, always have love for him.
The good news is I won't make myself pretend I don't care this time around. To be honest I'm not sure I could pretend even if I tried, I'm not that good of an actress. This time I won't bury my feelings or hide my pain with rage, this time I'll just let it wash over me like a wave, and learn to be thankful for every second of it. Thankful for every time I feel those waves leave me gasping for air because at least it'll remind my lungs they like the taste of air.  I'll be thankful for every feeling of heartache because it means I'm still standing, I can still feel, and I've known love.

If you're in a similar situation just remember to take things day by day till it gets easier, and be grateful for every second until the pain is gone and there's nothing left but love. It's like detoxing...